Your favourite Cockapoo does a baaaaaad thing

I did a bad thing today. If you remember, I said that I like to bite things. One of those things is washing. If it’s hanging on the line I just have to jump up and bite onto it and pull it down. It always makes Mummy and Daddy shout at me and come after me. They chase me around the garden. It really is great fun!

Me biting things

Well today, Mummy was taking all the washing off of the line and she had a big pile in her arms. As she started to go into the house, I kept jumping up and Mummy kept shouting ‘Off!!’. I had gone deaf again and kept jumping. However, for some reason, and I still don’t know why I did it, I bit her hard…on the bum!

She screamed out loud, said the ‘F’ word and called me a few names that I would have expected more from Daddy to be honest. Daddy came running out and asked what was the matter. I thought it wise to leg it and hid under the garden table. Mummy said that I had bitten her really hard on the bum. Daddy smiled and tried to supress a laugh.

Daddy, in a moment of pure comedic genius shouted out ‘Mikey, take the dogs dinner away. She’s bitten a lump out of yer mum’s arse. That’ll keep her going until breakfast!’ Mummy scowled at him and said ‘It’s not fu*#ing funny you dick! She’s really hurt me.’ She was not happy at all.

I slunk away into the living room and sat at Mikey’s feet. Daddy came in and said to him – quietly – ‘She’s just bitter yer muvver on the arse. Don’t laugh. It’s not funny…’ He was biting his bottom lip (I would have done that for him) and said ‘Keep an eye on ‘er. We’ll have to call the vet if she gets the meat sweats’. Now Mikey started laughing and Daddy had tears in his eyes. So did Mummy but for a different reason.

Mummy had gone up to the bathroom to look at her arse. Daddy shouted up to her. ‘Do you want me to ‘ave a look at it?’‘No I bloody don’t’ she shouted back at him. ‘It’s alright luv,’ said Daddy, ‘I’ve seen some terrible things in my time. I’ll be alright. Don’t you worry about me babe.’ She said ‘It’s not funny… there’s blood. She’s bitten right through…’ Oh, oh. This was bad. I’d gone too far this time.

Daddy though just wouldn’t let it lie. ‘Oh Jesus gel,’ he said, ‘We’ll have to get her up the vet’s then a bit quick in case she’s got anything. More money’. Daddy was on fire!  

She told him to ‘F*#k off’ again which I suppose is fair enough.