Daddy and Me's favourite game

Daddy took me up the park today on our own. Mummy needs a rest because she is something called ‘frazzled’. I like the park very much. When daddy puts me in the car I shout and shout at him to hurry up and get there. Daddy shouts back at me to ‘shut the f*#k up’ so I shout back at him to ‘shut the f*#k up’ too. In the end, neither of us shut the f*#k up. It’s a special game we like to play together but I’m learning lots of bad words from daddy.

Daddy has bought me a special lead. It’s very, very long and he said it’s way better than that ‘retractable’ thing that ‘cuts me sodding fingers off!’ when he tries to pull me back. Daddy always takes me to the long grass because he knows it’s my favouritest place to play.

Me on one of my park adventures

When I got to the grass I started to run fast. I ran and ran and ran. I have learned that I can’t keep running and at some point I will be violently jerked backwards and nearly break my neck but I don’t care-I’m running. Today was funny though because I just kept running. And running. No violent neck jerking. I stopped. I couldn’t understand it. I looked around for Daddy and I could see him holding my lead and he had big wide eyes and an open mouth. He looked…worried. My collar wasn’t on either.

I ran toward him as fast as I could. Daddy looked a bit happier until I swerved off to the left, ran behind him and toward the road. Mummy and Daddy don’t like me to go near them without them being around. Daddy started shouting really loudly and calling my name. I didn’t stop. I really was free. I kept running.

I got quite near the road when I turned around and saw Daddy running up the hill. Shrewd man is my Daddy. He knew I’d run after him. I caught up with him after about 5 seconds and he tried to grab me. He failed. For the next 10 minutes I kept running around him in big circles. Now he looked ‘frazzled’.

He kept calling me and offering me big handfuls of treats. On any other day I’d have loved that. But not now. This was too much fun. I ran again and suddenly Daddy dived at me (Like Gordon Banks I was luv, he later told mummy). He caught me by the scruff of the neck and dragged me down. Fun time wasn’t over yet though. I squirmed around an awful lot and kept biting Daddy on the fingers as he tried to put my collar on one-handed. He was shouting at me again but we weren’t playing ‘Shut the F*#k up’. Somehow Daddy got the collar on. He ruffled my head (I hate that!) and let me go. I ran off again at full pelt.

When I got to the end of my lead, the collar popped off again! Brilliant!! Daddy was doing his nut shouting at me to come back. No chance matey. Not again. Oh no!

I kept away from Daddy for about 20 minutes before he managed to catch me with something he called a ‘Lasoo’. He tied a big loop in my lead and when I stopped for a rest, he chucked it over my head and pulled it tight. I couldn’t get out of this one! To be honest, I didn’t mind too much. I was worn out. Daddy kept me on a short lead all the way back to the car and he was ‘grumbling’ and snappy with me but he kept stroking me. He was worried about me he said. I understand that but I really didn’t give a monkey’s.

All the way home we played ‘Shut the F*#k up’.