I’ve been attacked!!!

It’s true. Let me tell you what happened....

Mummy and Daddy had to take me to the vets tonight because I need something called ‘Advocate’ to make sure I don’t get ‘fleas’ and ‘worms’ and I had to be weighed. I don’t know what either of those things are but I don’t think I want them. 

Luckily, I wasn’t there to have anything shoved up my arse today.

As we walked in, the was a big fat sweaty lady sitting down with a great big white Alsatian. I felt Daddy tense. Next thing we knew the Alsatian was on me! Madness broke out! Carnage it was. Never said a word to it. The mad f*#ker just went for me. 

I did scream more with fright than anything. I went up in the air on the end of my lead. I could feel Daddy move in (he later told Mummy he was about to ‘smack the bastard thing right in the ‘ead’) and I landed and run straight behind Daddy to my Mummy’s legs. Daddy faced the big dog. He was not a happy little bunny. I just stayed under Mummy’s legs.

The fat sweaty lady said she was ‘so sorry’ and ‘he’s never done that before’. Daddy pointed out that the ‘cowson thing’s wearing half a muzzle luv. I’m betting it fucking has done it before’. The FSL looked a bit sheepish… Mummy and Daddy had a good look at me. Luckily there was not blood and I wasn’t hurt. Daddy said ‘I don’t think the fucker managed to get his teeth into her’. He turned to look at it again. He really wasn’t happy.

A couple of minutes later we got called in to see the vet lady and we had to walk past the Alsatian. Daddy stayed between me and it and I went in, still very frightened.

When we got in to the room, the nice vet lady said she’d heard all the noise and asked what had happened. Mummy told her and Daddy was pacing around. He was annoyed that none of the ‘useless bastards’ had come out when I was screaming but said nothing. Daddy goes really, really quiet when he’s angry. You have to watch those ones…

It turns out I now weigh 9.7 kilo’s. Not a bad weight but no match for the crazy-assed heavyweight bastard Alsatian who tried to eat me. On the way out Daddy picked me up and carried me out I gave him a big kiss for doing that.

As you know, I don’t like the vets at the best of times and after today, like them even less. To be honest, given the choice, I’d have rather had something shoved up my arse than get chucked in the air by a mad German dog.